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RMW Top Ten Moments

  • 1. Dobbie's Dismal Driving: Despite the fact it later emerged that Gregor passed the hotel on a regular basis, he somehow managed to take an hour to get from the train station to the hotel (via the Clifton Suspension Bridge), a journey that others had made in a ten minute taxi ride.

  • 2. Names: The receptionist at the "hotel" asking if any of us were, "Freeman, Girly,
    or Jobbie"

  • 3. The arrival at Ralph's pub Everyone a bit nervous, Ralph saying the t-shirts were "a bit much".

    "Charlie Miller? bring him doon here, ah'll show him a fuckin' beer"

    "Luggy got the ball and stuck it right in the corner. Ah didnae even move,ah just turned roond and said, Luggy, dae ye think ah've goat ah fuckin' motorbike? Two minutes later, he tried to do it again but fell on his arse,turns oot it wiz the best thing he ever did. Ah goat the ball, ah had
    Doddsy on meh left and Kirkwood on my right. Now, if ah'd given it to Kirkwood, he would have hit some c*nt in Radio Tay and Doddsy's left foot
    is just fer standin' oan. So, ah hit it, and the rest is fitba' history".

  • 5. Misread: Me trying to pick up Ralph. What was I thinking?

  • 6. Lichties: The two boys from Arbroath turning up, really got the songs going. The only
    one Ralph didn't enjoy was the Jimmy Marr ditty at which point he turned

    round and looked out the window until we were finished.

  • 7. Kev's dancing in the club: Odd, yet strangely alluring.

  • 8. Dobbie's dismal driving: Lost again on the way out to the game. Spent a bit of time in an industrial estate.

  • 9. The game: Where to begin? Malky halving Ralph's son, Dobbie's spectacular own goal,
    Gourlay's miss, Leroy's whooping.

  • 10. Not a dry eye in the house: Ralph's rendition of 'Suspicious Minds' on the karaoke. It made the hairs on the back of the neck rise up to acclaim the all-singing all-dancing footballing legend.

ScottishFootball.com exclusively revealed that hard working midfielder Alan Forsyth will miss the "biggest match of his career" when the Tangerines travel to Bristol this weekend. The story follows.....

Soccer bad boy Alan Forsyth last night told of his agony after being ruled out of playing in "the most important match of my career" by a freak diving accident.

Playboy centre forward Forsyth has been rated "extremely doubtful" for the South West London Arabs' glamour friendly against Bristol City veterans.

The young Scot, a glazier by trade, suffered a broken back and ankle after slipping off and embankment in Miami.

Ashen faced SWLA manager Malcolm "Malky" Freeman said, "I told him to practice his diving in case we were in need of a sneaky penalty. It looks like he took it too far."

Asked if he blamed himself for the accident, Freeman said, "Of course not. I blame the three bottles of Bacardi."

Bristol City veterans captain Ralph Milne was last night said to be keeping in touch with Forsyth's condition with updates from his brother Neil. Milne himself hopes to visit Forsyth in hospital, "though only if I can make it coincide with Seb Fontaine at the Miami music week."

Forsyth himself told us, "I feel like a bit of a Bristol."


Not so super sub Fraser Gourlay last night claimed "I'm no cheat" after fluffing the chance which could have earned South West London Tangerines a glorious 4-2 defeat against Bristol City Veterans.

The Monifieth midfield maestro was branded "a total idiot, worse than Derek Johnstone on loan to United" by Ralph Milne, who had teed him up perfectly with a pinpoint cross.

Milne, who defected at half time from the Veterans, accused Gourlay of missing the chance deliberately to secure a score prediction bet placed with maverick bookie Alan Forsyth.

Crestfallen manager Malcolm Freeman admitted that he did not know if he could look Gourlay in the eye ever again.

"We've been through a lot in the time I've known him but this really takes the biscuit," he said, munching on a United chocolate biscuit.

The 10 members of the RMW team were treated to fun and stories from Ralph including a strange incident where Neil Forsyth attempted to put Ralph on his shoulders.

The Team
Rod Burns
Neil Forsyth
Malcolm Freebar
Gregor Dobanovski
Diddy Dave Coleiro
Gavin MacGregor
Fraser Gourlay
Matt the Geordie
Neils mate Mark

Check out the official story in "The Scotsman"

Ralph Milne was possibly one of the greatest players to grace the Tannadice pitch and still is a wonderful, wonderful man